Since Duh Magazine is so funny, why don't I see it listed when I search for "humor," "funny stuff", "joke of the day", etc.?

Search Engines are machines, not people, so when they read our funny stories or political satire, they think this site is about news stories or politics. Actually, this site is about humor, comedy, political satire, fun, and good clean jokes. Readers do not need to be told that funny stuff is funny - it is either humorous or not humorous. But machines cannot distinguish serious news from political satire, twisted humor, humorous quotes, or really funny jokes.

Every day thousands of people search for funny things, hilarious jokes, college humor, and political cartoons. DUH Magazine is a fun source for all these things, but search engines interpret our news headlines and commentary as political analysis instead of political satire, comic relief, parody, and hilarious jokes. Everyone's day needs a few laughs, puns, priceless humor, and really funny quick jokes. To make these easier to find, we could have organized our site into sections like "joke of the day", "humorous quotes", "funny stories", "college humor", "political satire", "twisted humor", "clean short jokes", "really funny stuff", or "just for laughs". But because the news stories are current, real and timely, all new comedy and funny stuff are simply posted on the home page.

Other comic formats like political cartoons, stand up comedy, or humorous monologues often use material very similar to DUH Magazine jokes and satire, i.e., a comedian on comedy central might start with current events or news stories, and turn the story into twisted humor, political satire, or other funny junk. Or a political cartoon will refer to a recent news item, and turn it into satire or parody.

DUH Magazine tries to include only clean jokes, funny jokes, short jokes, family oriented funny stuff, christian humor and other clean funny things. In the end, people need to laugh, and DUH Magazine is just for laughs.


Real Headlines, Snarky Commentary
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Obviously...

Headlines so dumb they deserve to be misinterpreted.

I love it!
Bill Gracey

Just as pink elephants unseen by patrolmen offer drunkenness clues.

01/05/09 – DUH It Yourself

This can’t be true, because we all know fraternities don’t allow hazing of pledges, right?

01/03/09 – DUH It Yourself

To entice volunteers, inducements beside the usual 72 virgins include an unbreakable comb, a 32 MB USB drive, and a toaster.

01/01/09 – DUH It Yourself
not here, pal
whiskeygonebad

Pueblo, Colo. officials were so pleased with the results, they are now considering banning precipitous stock market drops and in-home pregnancy tests.

01/01/09 – DUH It Yourself

Some are said to have a three-year supply of short sleeve white shirts and name badges in their bunkers.

12/30/08 – DUH It Yourself
image
inundation

To deal with the deluge of new requests, applicants must first appear before Randy, Paula and Simon to vie for a spot in the next round.

12/23/08 – DUH It Yourself (1)
got plastic?
Andres Rueda

Not included in the new rules for credit cards: “Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford to pay for.”

12/19/08 – DUH It Yourself
full service?
Todd Huffman

Ironically, this story does not have a “happy ending.”

12/19/08 – DUH It Yourself

The former District of Columbia judge who brought the suit might have better luck if he sued for losing his marbles.

12/19/08 – DUH It Yourself
not actual size
NASA space science laboratory

. . . and millions of holes in American retirement accounts.

12/16/08 – DUH It Yourself

The remaining 10 percent are still interested in bidding on Barack Obama’s vacated Senate seat.

12/16/08 – DUH It Yourself

Which explains how he. . . wait for it. . . made off with all that money!

12/16/08 – DUH It Yourself

Is Barack Obama ready for the White House?

12/16/08 – DUH It Yourself
thanks a bunch!
World Economic Forum

Just when Obama’s liberal supporters thought things could get no worse, along comes the “Dick Cheney seal of approval”!

12/16/08 – DUH It Yourself

Arnie Duncan—Obama’s choice to head the Department of Education—said that he would do everything in his power to ensure that all of the nation’s schools achieve the same levels of operational efficiency, educational excellence, and moral integrity as the Chicago Public Schools system. 

12/16/08 – DUH It Yourself

Researchers have identified the specific sequence of commands that the brain sends out: “Pick that up.”; “Put in mouth.”; “Chew and Swallow.” (In some brains the “Chew” command was optional.)

12/16/08 – DUH It Yourself

And to think that all this time we thought it was a lack of will.

12/13/08 – DUH It Yourself

No word yet on whether they are also delaying the activity that results in parenthood.

12/12/08 – DUH It Yourself
yum!
chotda

The full title of the study: “Nation of Junkies: How America’s Sugar Addiction Is Making Us Fat, Dumb and Cavity-prone.”

12/11/08 – DUH It Yourself

This story, from The New York Times, is a contender for Duh!Magazine’s Most Obvious Headline of 2008.

12/09/08 – DUH It Yourself (1)

MercyWatch

Amused passengers gathered at the rail to enjoy the “pirate attack” until rifle fire from the Somali fishing boats persuaded them that this event was not part of the cruise itinerary. 

12/05/08 – DUH It Yourself

One can hardly blame them for refusing to examine ballots that had been voided. Ick.

12/02/08 – DUH It Yourself
Surprisingly...

All the news that's fit to ridicule.

Surprised hospital administrators said they were “just preemptively applying for a bailout.”

01/05/09 — DUH It Yourself

Sources close to the President-elect said that Panetta’s experience as Bill Clinton’s chief of staff meant that he was experienced in “subterfuge, sneaking around, and other spy-type activities.”

01/05/09 — DUH It Yourself

In Cuban politics, any hopes set higher than zero are considered too high.

01/04/09 — DUH It Yourself
representin'
Philocrites

The theory was confirmed when historians uncovered lyrics attributed to ‘50 Pence’ and ‘Snoop MacDog’.

01/04/09 — DUH It Yourself

The warden defended the prison’s furnishings, saying, “A lethargic prisoner is a compliant prisoner.”

01/03/09 — DUH It Yourself
I'm sorry, Dave
Peter Boden

Fortunately, the Redmond, Wash. company was on top of the problem. Microsoft announced that Zune Service Pack 2, which fixes the glitch, will be available for download by “no later than October” for only $89.95, or $99.95 if you would like a CD-ROM copy.

01/01/09 — DUH It Yourself
Grand Theft Schwinn
lesuerg

When stealing bikes is outlawed, only outlaws will steal bikes.

01/01/09 — DUH It Yourself

A parade featuring 50 year old cars was greeted with indifference: in Cuba, all the cars are 50 years old.

01/01/09 — DUH It Yourself

Or how to turn that unwanted Christmas gift into something you really need.

01/01/09 — DUH It Yourself
image
mercurialn

The challenge here is figuring out which outrage to be most outraged about.

12/30/08 — DUH It Yourself

Usually, the only things being nursed on Facebook are grudges.

12/30/08 — DUH It Yourself

The Russian finding isn’t quite as strange as it sounds, however, as, just like in Chicago, corpses are frequently known to vote.

12/29/08 — DUH It Yourself
crikey!
lesuerg

Especially Australian men.

12/29/08 — DUH It Yourself

This news has caused a major spike in web traffic at HotGrandmas.com

12/29/08 — DUH It Yourself

General Mills share prices showed a sharp increase as moms stock up on their teen’s favorite cereals.

12/26/08 — DUH It Yourself
image
Christine

In a telling turn of events, desperate shop owners have been caught stealing purses from customers.

12/23/08 — DUH It Yourself

Democratic Secretary of State Mark Ritchie recently vowed that the recount would continue until the desired outcome is achieved.

12/19/08 — DUH It Yourself

At least until the residents started throwing styrofoam cups out the windows of their Martian Hummers.

12/18/08 — DUH It Yourself
incoming!
timsnell

The reporter claims he was actually donating his shoes for needy Iraqi families.

12/18/08 — DUH It Yourself

But the President says he would have if the media had given any indication that it might have worked.

12/18/08 — DUH It Yourself

Democrats, still stinging from their painful election defeats in 2000 and 2004, are wary that Bush may yet attempt a coup.

12/17/08 — DUH It Yourself

But, added a senior Chrysler spokeswoman, “Since we don’t actually sell any cars, we’re confident that no one will notice.”

12/17/08 — DUH It Yourself
reasonable rates
Thomas Hawk

Instead, Governor Rod Blagojevich is said to be concentrating on filling his pockets.

12/17/08 — DUH It Yourself

Not content to have bested John McCain, Obama has his sights set on Santa Claus.

12/17/08 — DUH It Yourself

Apparently, the Bush-shoe incident has set off of rash of copy-cat attacks around the globe.

12/16/08 — DUH It Yourself
image
dhammza

Women, however, were suspicious of men who claimed that their favorite novel is Little Women.

12/13/08 — DUH It Yourself
Exactly...

Some facts are weirder than fiction.

Exactly:  “LIMA (Reuters) – Virgin Mary, a 20-year-old Peruvian woman, gave birth to a baby boy on Christmas day and named him Jesus, Peru’s state news agency said on Friday.  The baby’s father, Adolfo Jorge Huamani, 24, is a carpenter.”

12/30/08 — DUH It Yourself

Exactly:  “LA PAZ (Reuters) – A Mexican beauty queen arrested in the company of heavily armed, suspected drug traffickers has been stripped of her Hispanic American beauty title, pageant organizers in Bolivia told local media on Saturday.” But the news wasn’t all bad.  Moments later, pageant officials, sensing an opportunity, promptly crowned her “Miss Marijuana.”

12/29/08 — DUH It Yourself

Really?  Exactly:  “Most of the insurgents are easy to spot with long hair, beards, rifles, camouflage vests and running shoes.”

12/29/08 — DUH It Yourself

Uh. . . maybe that’s the point:  “NEW YORK – The Daily News of New York reports in Thursday editions that Stephen Turbek is selling a poster-size calendar covered with the plastic bubbles. Customers can pop a bubble each day to mark the passage of time.  Turbek says it makes a perfect gift for obsessive people — as long as they don’t pop the whole year on the first day they get it.

12/27/08 — DUH It Yourself

We can’t say that this hasn’t crossed our minds once or twice:  “PHILADELPHIA – A man enraged by a noisy family sitting near him in a movie theater on Christmas night shot the father of the family in the arm, police said.”

12/27/08 — DUH It Yourself

Another example of the hidden costs of not giving that big raise:  “TOKYO (Reuters) – A 60-year-old man who was thrown into the air in celebration at his retirement party died after his colleagues failed to catch him and he fell to the floor. . .”

12/17/08 — DUH It Yourself

Honestly, we don’t make stuff up in the Exactly section:  “TAMPA, Fla. – It really must have been a special item. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, two men entered a man’s home early Sunday and demanded his eggbeater. One suspect was holding a pistol while the other brandished a knife to the resident’s neck.  Police found the eggbeater in the man’s left pocket.”

12/16/08 — DUH It Yourself

Exactly:  “MOSCOW (Reuters) – The winner of a new Russian beauty contest must be attractive, talented and witty.  But never mind wanting to help children. She should also symbolize Russia’s constitution.” Note to Miss Teen USA South Carolina:  Don’t apply.

12/13/08 — DUH It Yourself

Exactly:  “OTTAWA (Reuters) – The Royal Canadian Mounted Police said Tuesday they would test 24 Tasers bought before 2006 after a media investigation suggested older models of the stun gun could fire excessively large electrical charges.” Turning lemons into lemonade, the company has decided to market the new, lower-voltage models as “Ticklers”.

12/10/08 — DUH It Yourself

It was just a matter of time.  Exactly:  “SYDNEY (Reuters) – Teachers using red pen to mark students’ work could be harming their psyche as the color is too aggressive, according to education strategies drafted by an Australian state government.”

12/10/08 — DUH It Yourself

Uh oh.  Exactly:  “Judges chose ‘gammelfleischparty’, or ‘spoiled meat party,’ — an unflattering term for a gathering of people over 30 — as the ‘youth word of the year 2008.’”

12/10/08 — DUH It Yourself

Exactly:  “Though he acted irrational, Fleming did not have an odor of alcohol about him at the time of his arrest, the [arresting officer] said.” Apparently, some people are perfectly capable of behaving irrationally—even when sober.

12/09/08 — DUH It Yourself

Exactly: “A Malaysian man has been stabbed to death for refusing to stop singing and hand over the microphone at a karaoke bar, police say.” Other patrons asked that the killer be presented with a Community Service award.

12/06/08 — DUH It Yourself

Exactly: “Prosecutors asked for a high bond, ‘due to alleged prohibited contact between the parties and the suspicious nature of the circumstances surrounding her injury’.”

12/03/08 — DUH It Yourself

Exactly--"The buck rose up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what the veteran hunter called ‘15 seconds of hell.’” The buck, who after all had just been shot, pleaded self-defense.

12/02/08 — DUH It Yourself