Animal KingDUHm
Isn’t this the same guy who made last week’s headline, “Man Puts Fork In Outlet, Gets Shocked”?
In an effort to save an endangered species, University of Colorado conservationists spent thirty years restocking lakes with the wrong fish. State officials are considering posting pictures of other endangered species on billboards and milk cartons to avoid future mix ups.
A spokesperson for the Geico gecko said her client “categorically denies all allegations of sexual impropriety.”
After the test, the orangutan’s mate was seen smacking the side of Sibu’s head.
Of course, the cow was guilty of committing a moooooooving violation.
Residents are advised to not look the turkey directly in the eyes, and hand over all their money. No, wait, that’s the state income tax auditors.
Dubai officials suspect the activists are jealous because they can’t afford the 5-star treatment being given to the dolphins.
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards was a close second.
Said the study’s author, “As near as we can tell, the whales are saying ‘Beam me up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent life down here.’”
The cows quickly gathered in the neighboring Dairy Queen parking lot, demonstrating their preference for sustainable relationships.
The fossil remnant of an 8-foot long scorpion-like creature was found in a rent-controlled New York City apartment.
No word yet on the fungus’ effect on the slackers, leeches and hangers-on that Brits refer to as “toadies.”
Exact quote: “It doesn’t happen that he immediately turns around and mates with her, but it makes it more difficult for him to mate (with others) and more likely that he’ll say ‘oh what the hell’ and mate with her.”
No wisecrack. We just like stories that have “pig brain mist” in the headline.
Since the climate was warmer at that time, the latest findings finally clear up the mystery why there was never any heat in early VW beetles.
Exact quote: “NAMPA, Idaho - A cat picked the wrong place to come in from the cold, and caused a power outage that blacked out more than 12,000 homes and businesses. The short circuit killed the cat.”
Exact quote: “‘Clearly there’s the lesson to be learned here,’ said zoo spokesman Sam Singer. ‘The lesson is that it’s not a good idea to drink, it’s not a good idea to be high on dope, and it’s not a good idea to taunt a man-eating tiger.’”
The study may be a bit biased, however, since the nursing home residents were never told that the robot dogs weren’t real.
Scientists okayed the discovery after verifying that Ross Perot did not plan to run in the 2008 presidential election.
Shockingly, two Georgia hunters who claimed to have a seven and a half foot tall humanoid in the freezer turned out to have one cold gorilla suit.
Exactly: “‘Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn’t expect he would attack,’ the 20-year-old student, said in a local hospital. Fortunately, according to a zoo spokesman, “Yang Yang. . . did not seem to suffer any negative psychological effects” from the incident.
Exactly—man bites dog department: “PORTLAND, Ore. – A man who was accidentally shot by a 12-gauge shotgun on Saturday after his dog jumped into a boat is recovering. Matthew Marcum’s legs and buttocks were injured in the bizarre incident. . . Marcum’s father, Henry, said his 23-year-old son was about to tie up an 11-foot open aluminum boat, when his 3-year-old Labrador, Drake, jumped into the boat. Matthew Marcum said his dog, Drake, is a good dog and he isn’t upset with him.”
One more reason for users of Ty-D-Bowl to be anxious when going about their business.
Exactly: “MIAMI (Reuters) – Florida wildlife managers have launched an experiment to see if they can keep crocodiles from returning to residential neighborhoods by temporarily taping magnets to their heads to disrupt their “homing” ability. One got run over by a car and died, but the other has yet to return. . .” Sounds like a great experiment to us. No doubt he’s probably stuck to a fireplug somewhere.
Exactly: “Pit bulls were the breed most commonly involved in attacks.”
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