DUH Jones
Business News
Now that lenders are more cautious, the market for “luxury bungalows from the $450,000s” is suddenly more finite than was previously thought.
Bankers have admitted that the tour buses provide a convenient way to hand deliver foreclosure notices to homeowners along the route.
Which is dumber: overpaying damage claims by thousands of dollars per home, or thinking that any of that money is still around to be returned?
Striking truckers in the U.S. are convinced their actions will bring OPEC to its knees.
Lloyd’s will no longer write policies to cover natural disasters because Al Gore has convinced the underwriters that all disasters are man-made.
Skybus’ business strategy of treating customers like bus passengers couldn’t compete with all the major airlines doing exactly the same thing.
Absolut spokeman Jose Enrico Hernandez said he was surprised by the controvery, since the ad simply “stated the obvious.”
Financial experts expect the boost to last until Tuesday.
Also despite 9 out of 10 major media outlets hoping to be able to write about impending food shortages.
Is there anything that GM does that doesn’t lead to layoffs?
Millions claim newly-unemployed status one day after the release of video game “Grand Theft Auto IV.” Coincidence?
Chrylser executives touted the 13 mpg Dodge Challenger as “exactly the kind of ‘out-of-the-box’ thinking we need” in this era of $4 a gallon gasoline.
One of the top alternative fuels being explored by GM: hot air.
Concerns about weight led the airline to offer lighter fare, such as “My Little Pony” cartoons.
She had been unemployed for the past 70 years.
A spokesperson for the privately owned greeting card company, responding to criticism from the ‘family values’ crowd, said, “Hey, making money is a family value.”
Because if there’s one thing that makes people think of bass fishing, it’s a giant, stainless steel pyramid.
The way things are going, the next President’s economic plan had better include a recipe for shoe leather stew.
GM executives said that petitioning Congress for bailout funds made it difficult for them to attend to day-to-day operations.
The FDIC official went on to say “We would have liked to have made it an even 60, but there just aren’t enough banks left.”
A fifth report revealed that the writers of the first four reports were fired for wasting reader’s time.
Apparently the Fed is using the gambler’s logic that when luck is running against you, you should double down on the same bad hands.
To demonstrate the company’s willingness to make sacrifices, execs will drive the plan to Washington in a 1973 Chevy Vega.
This article appeared in The Boston Globe. Guess those Beantowners are more liberal than we thought.
Why didn’t we think of this? Exactly: “SAN ANTONIO – A man who rammed his truck into a woman’s vehicle on a highway early Friday told authorities he crashed into her while going more than 100 mph because God told him ‘she needed to be taken off the road.’”
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