Fearless LeaDUHs
ElecDUHd Officials DUHvernment ElecDUHble
Pens were found missing from the supply closet--again.
Republicans are said to be developing a counter-theme: “It’s not 1992 any more, stupid!”
Not surprisingly, the withdrawal drained what was left of the Social Security “surplus.”
In a bid for party unity, genealogists traced the politician’s roots back to the Middle Pleistocene era to find the family connection.
Asked why she is spending so much time in the Middle East, Condoleezza Rice responded, “President Bush is more popular here.”
Republicans expand efforts to find a viable candidate.
Senator Brownback told reporters, “It just seems like a lost cause. According to the latest Gallup poll, I’m unlikely to vote for myself.”
President Bush described Mable Malloy, a 62-year-old homemaker from Muncie, Indiana, as “my last real hope for achieving peace.”
Moments later, Romney’s home was surrounded by an unarmed UN peace-keeping force saying they would like to negotiate a less inflammatory statement.
Since the five leading Republican candidates have about 11 wives between them, “courting” should be second nature to most of them.
New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg responded by saying he has no plans to curtail assaults in New York’s Battery Park.
To settle the debate, candidates will compete to see who can most quickly key in the nuclear launch codes.
Asked how a 36 year old Republican of Indian parentage could win Louisiana’s governorship, a pundit opined, “No one else wanted the job.”
According to state agricultural officials, even the groundwater is below 50 percent moisture content.
Airport board members said the code worked well with their new slogan: “Air travel SUX.”
Lawmaker has not been seen or heard from since.
A spokesperson for Bush said last week’s mention of “World War III” was simply a joke.
Says “Iran should be wiped off the map.”
The NASA mission slated to install a barbecue grill on the space station is said to be in jeopardy.
Military brass expressed hopes that the new objective would divert attention from the military’s inability to control terrorist insurgents.
The ploy worked until voters learned this was her fourth birthday this year.
Officials became suspicious when the questions were not overtly hostile to the Bush administration.
The complaint was filed by a group of university students who were forced to sit through one of Rumsfeld’s tedious speeches.
Said an unnamed Democratic consultant, “Everyone knows ‘work’ is a four-letter word.”
When asked what he meant by his comments, Schwarzenegger replied, “This is California—in this state, marijuana is a food group.”
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