Fearless LeaDUHs
ElecDUHd Officials DUHvernment ElecDUHble
In a truly shocking story, the Project for Excellence in Journalism noted that Democratic candidates get more and friendlier media coverage. And then there was precious nugget (exact quote): “The political press is a hidebound institution out of touch with the desires of citizens.”
When it was noted that both are currently leading in the polls, one voter said, “Now that’s really scary.”
According to Nader, the Democratic party hasn’t performed as advertised, wastes power, and lacks an adequate return policy.
Military leaders hope the new technology will convince Democrats that they have already left Iraq.
The UN Security council quickly condemned the incident saying the U.S. should have first attempted to negotiate with the mayor.
Dennis Kucinich also believes he is ahead in the polls.
Democrats to Bush: ‘With You.’
Hillary clarified, “As President, I will say that it makes sense to say to a Governor that it is OK to say what he’s trying to say on this important issue.”
Candidates from both parties have volunteered for clinical trials to test the procedure in humans.
Inspired by Target’s simple idea, fatigued voters are demanding debates without candidates.
...And farmers. Only taxpayers seem to be getting the end of the stick that’s covered with fertilizer.
Concerned that his low ratings in the polls have doomed his presidential bid, a spokeswoman said Edwards now “wants to make it easier for trial lawyers to make a living.”
Not surprisingly, most of the missing items are associated with the Iran-Contra affair.
Political analysts suggest this is precisely why he is trailing in the polls.
Considering a revival of the Avis slogan “We’re Number 2,” pollsters pointed out that the slogan doesn’t really work in a two-party system.
“Well, I said, like, ‘What’s the payout for tossing Hillary a global warming softball?’”
State governments need a complete count of aliens to know how many new drivers licenses to print.
Declares, “We’ve decided that there’s little point in going through with it now. As it stands, anyone can get a driver’s license in New York.”
Said a CIA spokesman who has heard the tapes, “Unfortunately, with all the gurgling sounds and splashing around, it’s hard to make out what they’re saying.”
“Just look at the rebuilding job we’re doing in Iraq!”
...but in a bid to appease immigrant voters, promised a discount on fishing permits.
Says getting politicians out of Washington for the holidays is a top priority.
Obama and Edwards deny twisting Mrs. Clinton’s record. But they do admit trying to untwist her position on many hot-button issues.
Left unclear was whether he was expecting an increase or a decrease in his polling numbers.
Taxpayers are asking, “What part of ‘economic slowdown’ does Congress not understand?’”
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