Halls of AcaDUHmia
...Making it a distant second to the national debate on health care.
Back when we were in college, students could figure out how to get drunk on their own.
The most startling finding of the study was that researchers in Canada can receive actual pay for researching hypothetical zombie attacks.
The real mystery here isn’t that the professors took the money; it’s why anyone would be willing to bribe anyone in order to join the ranks of unemployable Ph.D.s.
We’re not sure how, but we’re confident that somehow this discovery will be blamed on global climate change.
NASA could not afford scientific instruments, but astronauts will have plenty of clean socks and underwear for years.
As opposed to regular couples, who tend be attracted, get married, and fight.
To make the process easier, scientists will begin by replicating the brain of George Bush.
On the upside, there has been no outcry over the fact that Yale University Press is publishing a book of cartoons.
Or, as the students themselves put it, “Life ends for one million NYC students.”
A similar study found that teens who had their own kegs tended to drink more.
With the possible exception of Philippians 3:14; “I press on toward the goal to win...”
Hysteria over micro-black holes poised for restart: KOOKS
Exactly: “COLUMBUS, Ohio – Intrepid Ohio State University researchers have learned students don’t just party in a campus lake during rituals before the annual Michigan game. Postdoctoral research associate Steve Goldsmith said the lake’s temperature went up 3 degrees throughout the night, and the ammonia level surged. He said body heat could explain the warmer water, but the ammonia likely means one thing: urine. Goldsmith advises students to have fun, just not open their mouths.”
Dozens of women were turned away after learning that simply being a lap-dancer did not qualify them for the position.
The scientists proposed the trading of ‘candor credits’, so researchers could pay a fee to opt out of truth-telling.
Okay, it was between two interns carrying specimen jars, but at least it’s something.
A fact well known to drunken sailors: that thing that comes after a spending spree is called a “hangover.”
By killing users with brain cancer years before Alzheimer’s symptoms develop.
...until they get a driver’s license.
Researchers surprised to find that studying is more effective than not studying.
Given how public education works in this country, administrators have assured lawmakers that it can’t possibly fail.
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