Here Come DUH Judge
One can hardly blame them for refusing to examine ballots that had been voided. Ick.
Exactly: “Prosecutors asked for a high bond, ‘due to alleged prohibited contact between the parties and the suspicious nature of the circumstances surrounding her injury’.”
Which brings to mind a solution to crowded prisons: only use mothers as jurors--conviction rates will plummet.
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is accused of trying to sell Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat to the highest bidder. This is in contrast to the accepted method of buying a Senate seat, which is to give large sums of money to all the television stations in your state.
Exactly: “Though he acted irrational, Fleming did not have an odor of alcohol about him at the time of his arrest, the [arresting officer] said.” Apparently, some people are perfectly capable of behaving irrationally—even when sober.
Honestly, we don’t make stuff up in the Exactly section: “TAMPA, Fla. – It really must have been a special item. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, two men entered a man’s home early Sunday and demanded his eggbeater. One suspect was holding a pistol while the other brandished a knife to the resident’s neck. Police found the eggbeater in the man’s left pocket.”
The former District of Columbia judge who brought the suit might have better luck if he sued for losing his marbles.
Ironically, this story does not have a “happy ending.”
Exactly: “LA PAZ (Reuters) – A Mexican beauty queen arrested in the company of heavily armed, suspected drug traffickers has been stripped of her Hispanic American beauty title, pageant organizers in Bolivia told local media on Saturday.” But the news wasn’t all bad. Moments later, pageant officials, sensing an opportunity, promptly crowned her “Miss Marijuana.”
The challenge here is figuring out which outrage to be most outraged about.
Or how to turn that unwanted Christmas gift into something you really need.
The warden defended the prison’s furnishings, saying, “A lethargic prisoner is a compliant prisoner.”
This can’t be true, because we all know fraternities don’t allow hazing of pledges, right?
Surprised hospital administrators said they were “just preemptively applying for a bailout.”
It must have been a really prime space: “SCRANTON, Pa. – A Pennsylvania man faces up to 37 years in prison now that he’s been convicted of tearing open a neighbor’s door with a chain saw in a fit of anger over parking.”
Certain people, when they say they want to dissolve a relationship, apparently really mean it.
Not to worry--the 24-year-old woman said she was merely helping to educate needy kids on “urban survival skills.”
As if that wasn’t weird enough, the convicted bride was an old family friend...when she was a guy.
“ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. – The crime drips with brutal irony: a woman decapitated, allegedly by her estranged husband, in the offices of the television network the couple founded with the hope of countering Muslim stereotypes.” This may not help with the negative stereotypes.
The officers immediately hired the man to pimp out the county’s entire fleet of Sheriff’s vehicles.
Exactly: “HARTFORD, Conn. – The reigning Miss Connecticut Outstanding Teen, a volunteer for Mothers Against Drunk Driving, held a party that resulted in two dozen people being charged with underage drinking, police said Wednesday.” Whatever happened to ‘world peace’?
Exactly: “EASTON, Pa. - A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he’s his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday he cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam.”
John Demjanjuk’s prosecutors then threw in a few unpaid parking fines for good measure.
Exactly: “BITHLO, Fla. – Authorities said a man threw a Molotov cocktail at his neighbor’s trailer, but the wind shifted and set fire to two cars, a pickup and a travel trailer in the man’s own yard.” And then there was this: “Authorities believe alcohol was involved.”
The prosecutor later explained that Spector had returned his demo CD unopened and unlistened to.
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