John DUH
Efforts to have the body removed and interred are being blocked by members of the WCPO (World Couch-Potato Organization), claiming that the site is now a “holy burial ground”.
An inside source says a new nationwide “Lost and Found” program is being implemented by the DEA. “We’ll seed the boxes with a few umbrellas, cell phones, and bags of crack, and see who comes to claim their belongings.”
A representative from the EEOC said that an investigation is being launched to determine whether an equal number of men have been fired for wearing too much cologne. “Something just smells funny about this one.”
The feud began over a simple misunderstanding, but apparently because the nuns had taken a vow of silence they we’re unable to discuss their differences—leaving physical violence as the only alternative.
In fairness, this compares rather favorably to the billions wasted by government staying home.
Cattle ranching in New York City...not so much.
Somebody in Ohio is very excited that the Orange Bowl is now played on January 2nd.
Drug dealing, theft, and pornography top latest listing of lucrative careers.
Number two was compiling lists of offensive office behaviors.
In an embarrassing faux pas, Wal-Mart managers discovered that the couple was registered at Dollar General.
In order to face Mecca throughout prayer time, the astronaut will be placed on a gyroscopically-controlled Lazy Susan.
The thief, who forgot to turn off the 10,000 volt line before cutting the cable, was also reportedly working on a scheme to recycle flying bullets.
The trouble started when he realized he didn’t have correct change for a Nestle $100,000 bar.
Employer to appeal claiming the pole was 100% OSHA compliant.
Actual quote: “...and the Lord was like, ‘I want you to go to nudist resorts.’ And I’m like, ‘Wow, what an assignment.’ Aren’t I the lucky one, you know?”
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Consumers are unimpressed with brainy new carts that provide nutritional information for their favorite junk foods. A shopper complained, “The stupid thing still won’t roll straight down the aisles.”
A legislative task force found additional typos, including provisions allowing marriage to siblings, coonhounds, and bass boats.
Apparently they didn’t realize that joining the “mile high club” requires an airplane.
Provides proof of George Santayana’s famous dictum: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Philadelphia and Pittsburgh were the two available choices, and the survey was conducted in Pittsburgh.
The 22-year-old man was detained for psychological testing following the discovery that he was driving a 1984 Impala.
The recovering lover told reporters, “Her profile on the dating site said ‘...looking for someone I can have a drink with who’s not yet tied down.’”
The original plan was to call for world peace, but George Soros told the group to “dial it down a notch.”
Unfortunately, group members recently realized that most of its growth has come from Mexican citizens who mistook the “Minutemen” for a rapid-transit border-crossing service.
The bank already has all of your money. The bank robber only wants it.
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