John DUH
“Guys need to step up to the sink,” said researchers who spy on people in public restrooms. Okay, forget the hand washing—We’re a little freaked out by researchers spying in public bathrooms. Clearly a practice that Larry Craig would have banned.
Attorneys for the woman claim that the store’s advertising was misleading. She thought “Buy one, get one” meant “Buy one or get one”.
Efforts to have the body removed and interred are being blocked by members of the WCPO (World Couch-Potato Organization), claiming that the site is now a “holy burial ground”.
An inside source says a new nationwide “Lost and Found” program is being implemented by the DEA. “We’ll seed the boxes with a few umbrellas, cell phones, and bags of crack, and see who comes to claim their belongings.”
In other words, fewer cars driving fewer miles equals fewer emissions! Thanks to Urban Land Institute for figuring out this challenging math problem for us.
A representative from the EEOC said that an investigation is being launched to determine whether an equal number of men have been fired for wearing too much cologne. “Something just smells funny about this one.”
The feud began over a simple misunderstanding, but apparently because the nuns had taken a vow of silence they we’re unable to discuss their differences—leaving physical violence as the only alternative.
In fairness, this compares rather favorably to the billions wasted by government staying home.
Cattle ranching in New York City...not so much.
Somebody in Ohio is very excited that the Orange Bowl is now played on January 2nd.
Drug dealing, theft, and pornography top latest listing of lucrative careers.
Number two was compiling lists of offensive office behaviors.
Or about 10 seconds longer it takes to smash a Rubik’s Cube into unrecognizable pieces.
In an embarrassing faux pas, Wal-Mart managers discovered that the couple was registered at Dollar General.
In order to face Mecca throughout prayer time, the astronaut will be placed on a gyroscopically-controlled Lazy Susan.
The thief, who forgot to turn off the 10,000 volt line before cutting the cable, was also reportedly working on a scheme to recycle flying bullets.
The trouble started when he realized he didn’t have correct change for a Nestle $100,000 bar.
Employer to appeal claiming the pole was 100% OSHA compliant.
Actual quote: “...and the Lord was like, ‘I want you to go to nudist resorts.’ And I’m like, ‘Wow, what an assignment.’ Aren’t I the lucky one, you know?”
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Consumers are unimpressed with brainy new carts that provide nutritional information for their favorite junk foods. A shopper complained, “The stupid thing still won’t roll straight down the aisles.”
A legislative task force found additional typos, including provisions allowing marriage to siblings, coonhounds, and bass boats.
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s dating advisor was not part of the survey.
Apparently they didn’t realize that joining the “mile high club” requires an airplane.
Provides proof of George Santayana’s famous dictum: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Philadelphia and Pittsburgh were the two available choices, and the survey was conducted in Pittsburgh.
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