Real Headlines, Snarky Commentary
Monday, September 06, 2010

MeDUHcine and Health

Other related studies have confirmed the findings: “Americans of large proportions out of shape” and “Large portions keep Americans out of shape”

09/27/07 — 0 Comments

From the same Harvard researchers who determined that tooth decay leads, in some cases, to getting fillings.

10/02/07 — 1 Comments

Great news!  There’s never a wait in the virtual doctor’s waiting room.  Unfortunately, while drug companies have long specialized in the development of virtual medicines (i.e., drugs that virtually never work for the conditions prescribed), many experts believe that the development of virtual diseases is likely to progress at a much slower pace. 

10/03/07 — 0 Comments

imageThe robotic arm also includes three video cameras, “to provide a good view of the procedure”, explains a researcher.

10/04/07 — 0 Comments

Developer says human trials are still a few years away. IT workers are already developing strategies to deal with the millions of new spam emails selling the product.

10/04/07 — 0 Comments

From the same researchers responsible for the breakthrough discovery that you can get pregnant the first time.

10/04/07 — 0 Comments

Not surprisingly, no one lives there.

10/05/07 — 0 Comments

imageA leading virologist explained the implications via telephone from deep inside his underground laboratory:  “You’re all going to die.”

10/05/07 — 0 Comments

Post-op parts are popular as gags at med school weenie roasts.

10/06/07 — 0 Comments

(photo: Wade Rockett) Ironically, the badges were for “Recognizing Dangerous Substances in Your Home”. 

10/06/07 — 1 Comments

You could always try Wal-Martcare The drug program’s supporters say that eliminating waste and fraud would lead to massive unemployment.

10/07/07 — 0 Comments

This might hurt a bit Said a spokesman, “We expect this price adjustment will induce seizures, which only helps our business.”

10/07/07 — 0 Comments

After storing a baseline diagnosis when new phone is activated, unit will track development of cell phone induced brain cancer in frequent users.

10/07/07 — 1 Comments

Unlike fettuccini Alfredo, however, even a bad marriage has some sexual benefits.

10/08/07 — 0 Comments

Important to pay attention (bnittoli photo)An insider at the FDA said “heads will roll” for missing this one. 

10/08/07 — 0 Comments

Using yarn to map neural pathways, scientists created a map of Kate Moss’ brain and had enough yarn left over to knit a doggie sweater.

10/09/07 — 0 Comments

Authorities are not unduly alarmed, however, as brainless people are reportedly very common in the D.C. area.

10/09/07 — 1 Comments

Who says there’s no valuable research being done at the county Science Fair?

10/09/07 — 0 Comments

Got oxygen? Study also says that it helps if you live close to the hospital. 

10/09/07 — 0 Comments

Incredibly (and we’re not making this up!), the hospital had run out of medicinal alcohol and “just happened” to have a bottle of vodka handy.

10/10/07 — 0 Comments

Exact quote:  “As the world’s top condom experts convene this week to update international standards, one American entrepreneur has a simple message: Size matters.”

10/11/07 — 0 Comments

...for the mother. One hundred percent are unsafe for the fetus.

10/11/07 — 1 Comments

From wino to wi-not? (photo:Herbert Feutl) New rationales include messy breakups, pasta and Mondays. 

10/13/07 — 0 Comments

it's a half-brainer! Details of the study show that any wire can be paired with any other wire, all signals are distributed equally, and the right hemisphere is completely missing.

10/13/07 — 4 Comments

I can't see another TMJ patient today, my hands are cramping.Citing journals prescribing pectoral massage for TMJ, authorities became suspicious when files showed all the dentist’s female patients had TMJ. 

10/14/07 — 1 Comments
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