Ta-DUH!
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Possible solutions include:
- Line the venue floor with aluminum foil
- Put those little hospital booties on the tires
- Replace truck drivers with Merry Maids
Apparently, drinking, drugs, relentless clubbing, late nights and slovenly appearance were enough to convince a California judge that K-Fed was the better parent of the two.
Enraged Popeye vows to model Victoria’s Secret panties.
The fall schedule will be unaffected, however, as all network TV is now 100 percent unscripted.
Then again, they may not.
After failing at attempts to regain fans by exploiting her strengths, Britney plans last gasp by relying on her greatest weakness.
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How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Marry money.
Poetic justice for someone who has made millions putting out trash.
The nation’s largest beer brewing companies are racing to air new ads featuring top rap artists.
Producer George Lucas aims to prove that the completely mindless script for “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” was not a fluke.
The previous strike by the Writers Guild lasted 22 weeks, prompting concern that the next season of ‘24’ will be renamed ‘2’.
The outburst came after she received a text message about E! Magazine’s review of her new ‘Blackout’ album.
For introducing the world to Dr. Phil.
The annual Forbes list also named Michael Jackson as top ‘dead-looking’ celeb, Britney Spears as top ‘career-good-as-dead’ celeb, and Dick Clark as top ‘he’s-not-dead-yet?’ celeb.
Negotiations stalled when writers refused to accept merit-based pay tied to Neilsen ratings.
Women named Jane have appealed the ruling, fearing that even more men will be encouraged to greet them with annoying imitations of the classic yell.
Exact quote: “Chapman said he is meeting with his spiritual adviser, Rev. Tim Storey, who is black, and hopes to meet with other black leaders, ‘so they can see who I really am and teach me the right thing to do to make things right, again.’” Don’t worry, Dog. We are certain they can sense your sincerity.
With his comedy writers on strike, Colbert felt he would be unable to develop a fresh list of promises every day on the campaign trail.
Prince now wants people to refer to him as “The Artist Formerly Known to have Fans.”
Said one critic, “She can’t act at all, but she sure is pretty.”
So that explains it!
A note, written on official parish stationery, said (exact quote): “Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans?”
An insider at CBS says they have already received offers to cross the picket line from Dan Rather and Mary Mapes.
Which will be fun for Matt until this time next year, when he becomes People Magazine’s former sexiest man alive.
The real news is that some fans finally came to their senses.
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