Many hope for Clinton and Obama on one ticket
Hillary says she has no interest in becoming Vice President, but might consider the role of Co-President based on her eight years of experience in that position.
Bush says rebates going out Monday will boost economy
Financial experts expect the boost to last until Tuesday.
31 of 53 teen girls at FLDS ranch either pregnant or had child
...which shows how closely the mores of the fundamentalist Mormon sect mirror those of U.S. society as a whole.
Chocolate may reduce pregnancy complication risk
The complication in question being the father getting yelled at for not providing an adequate supply of chocolate.
GM cuts truck shifts, leading to layoffs
Is there anything that GM does that doesn’t lead to layoffs?
Fewer Latino immigrants in U.S. sending money home
 lesuerg |
An Immigration Services spokesperson explained that so many have now come that there is no one left at home to send money to.
New Jersey lawmakers consider ‘sin’ tax on fast food
The new classification for fast food has local Catholic parishes gearing up for longer lines at the confessional.
Jobless claims surge
Millions claim newly-unemployed status one day after the release of video game “Grand Theft Auto IV.” Coincidence?
Surge in fatal shark attacks blamed on global warming
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The phenomenon is a primary theme of Al Gore’s sequel documentary, “An Inconvenient Tooth”.
Obama edges Clinton in Guam caucuses
Barack Obama’s seven vote margin in Guam casts doubt on Sen. Clinton’s claim that Obama can’t win the big swing states.
Nuns turned away at polls
Tripped up by new voter ID laws, the nuns were unable to prove that they weren’t illegal immigrants from Vatican City.
New ‘in-body’ wi-fi devices warn doctors of heart attacks
To encourage physicians to adopt the system, the device will also alert doctors to available tee times when the patient approaches an area golf course.
Chrysler unleashes gas-guzzling muscle car
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Chrylser executives touted the 13 mpg Dodge Challenger as “exactly the kind of ‘out-of-the-box’ thinking we need” in this era of $4 a gallon gasoline.
Vatican: It’s OK to believe in aliens
Roman Catholic theologians were less forgiving when it came to believing politicians, saying “faith can only go so far”.
Study: obesity contributes to global warming
Environmentalists have shifted from measuring size of carbon footprint to measuring depth of carbon footprint.
Obama says Bush falsely accused him of appeasement
In fact, President Bush never mentioned the Illinois senator in his appeasement speech, bringing to mind the old policeman’s advice not to proclaim your innocence of crimes when you have not been named as a suspect.
14 tons of spilled Oreo cookies snarl traffic
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Workers cleaned the middle of the interstate first, and saved the chocolate cookie shoulders for last.
Energy fears looming, new survivalists prepare
Analysts have detected differences from past survivalist trends, noting the stockpiling of Prada handbags, do-it-yourself Botox kits, and spare parts for high-end cappuccino makers.
New Indiana Jones movie no hit with Communists
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Communists are sensitive about portrayals showing their soldiers being beaten up by a senior citizen.
Preservationists fight to save historic district
 lesuerg |
The preservation group briefly considered fighting to save a Houston strip mall and several chain restaurants, but decided the historic district was a better fit with their mission statement.
Most New Orleans homeless people from city, survey finds
Thus laying to rest the ugly rumors that suburbanites from Metarie and Lafayette were camping out under urban overpasses.
Workers shifting to 4 day week to save gasoline
 sun dazed |
...and using the extra day off to haul the boat to the lake.
Commerce Department reports slow April growth in income, spending
Anybody who expected spending to increase in April has obviously never had to write a check to the Internal Revenue Service
Lost tribe discovered in Brazil
In a last-ditch effort to secure delegates, Hillary Clinton has petitioned the DNC to allow the tribe members be seated at the Democratic National Convention.
Brazilian prisoner’s cell had cash, guns, drugs, plasma TV
 Thomas Hawk |
Sure, the guns and drugs are understandable, but a plasma TV in prison is inexcusable.
McCain would like to see a man on Mars
The man John McCain would like to see on Mars: Barack Obama.
GM CEO praises push for alternative fuel vehicles
One of the top alternative fuels being explored by GM: hot air.
Truckers upset over high diesel fuel prices
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Truckers also reported being upset by decayed roads, construction detours, and not being able to find a good country music radio station when driving I-95 up and down the Atlantic coast.
‘All options’ open on Iran, says Bush
Including leaving the whole mess to the next President.
Iran withdraws $75 billion from Europe
The transaction took several hours to complete since the teller could only fit one million at a time through the pneumatic tubes at the drive-up window.
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