Civil rights leader switches support to Obama
_thumb.jpg) Mike Schinkel |
Atlanta congressman John Lewis made the switch upon finding out that Hillary Clinton wasn’t actually black.
Fed ready to cut interest rates again
Reminiscent of their action in the 2001 recession, Fed chair Ben Bernanke asked if it was okay to take the discount rate into negative numbers.
Microsoft fined $1.35 billion by EU regulators
.jpg) Erwin Boogert |
When asked about the fine, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said, “I don’t think my VISA platinum card credit limit will cover that. We may have to write them a check.”
Dogs, robots equally good at cheering elderly
_thumb.jpg) K.W. |
The study may be a bit biased, however, since the nursing home residents were never told that the robot dogs weren’t real.
San Francisco considers fireplace ban
.jpg) Catskills Grrl |
Though it comes wrapped in concerns about air quality, conservatives suspect the reason San Francisco wants the ban is because the term “hearth” is suggestive of wholesome families.
3 luxury homes burn in apparent eco-attack
Self-conscious about carbon emissions, the arsonists promised to purchase carbon offsets to compensate for smoke damage to the atmosphere.
Harvard gym tests Muslim-women-only hours
.jpg) See Wah |
Political correctness advocates hailed the test, which they hope will soon lead to gym hours reserved for skinny white guys who only throw like girls.
NY governor Spitzer resigns amid sex scandal
_thumb.jpg) nevbrown |
We’ve said it a thousand times--when dealing with full-service escort companies, do not enroll in the customer loyalty program.
China calls U.S. human rights record ‘shocking’
China’s State Council was apparently shocked to learn that, in the U.S. at least, humans have rights.
Lutheran group says marriage is one man, one woman
.jpg) Thomas Hawk |
A Mormon group affirmed the Lutherans’ finding--well, the “one man” part, anyway.
Bush backs closer NATO ties with Georgia
President Bush amended the U.S. position after learning this is not the Georgia where Goober Pies come from.
Starbucks CEO sees economic tailspin, plans change
.jpg){kind=logo} miskan |
Adjusting their business model to reflect the times, Starbucks is set to begin offering payday loans, debt consolidation counseling and bail bond services at drive-up windows nationwide.
McCain says US must listen more to European allies on key issues
But insists American men will never adopt those skimpy Speedo bathing suits.
Happy marriage good for blood pressure, study says
Some academics are criticizing the study because of the extremely small sample size.
Study: firstborn children get most attention
.jpg) mr. mt |
On average, the study found that firstborns received two more years of focused attention than second-born children, and four more years than third-borns.
Preemies’ death risk persists
This study was published in the esteemed medical periodical “Journal of Findings That Surprise Absolutely Nobody.”
New home sales plummet
 lesuerg |
Now that lenders are more cautious, the market for “luxury bungalows from the $450,000s” is suddenly more finite than was previously thought.
Obama offers plan for economic woes
Obama supporters were disappointed that their candidate could not propose a plan for economic success.
World’s oldest sound recording played in US
Researchers were surprised to find that the recorded song includes a clearly audible introduction by Dick Clark.
Muslims more numerous than Catholics
 -clb- |
Pope considers emergency measures to shore up membership, including an abbreviated Lenten season, shorter sentences in purgatory, and a fine Italian Chianti for communion services.
Civilians handle minor duties for strapped police
Recent 911 callers have received a recorded message saying, “Feel free to shoot any suspicious persons and email your local precinct with photos and description of alleged crime.”
John Edwards says he would not accept VP nomination
...unless he is asked.
2010 U.S. census to be done by pencil, not computer
To minimize the likelihood of human error, tabulation of the census data will be done by monkeys.
Low-cost airline Skybus calls it quits
Skybus’ business strategy of treating customers like bus passengers couldn’t compete with all the major airlines doing exactly the same thing.
Putin rules out new Cold War
 openDemocracy |
Says the old notions of hot and cold are too limiting in this new era; argues for alternatives such as ‘toasty war’, ‘lukewarm war’ and ‘tepid war’.
CBS axes reality show after one episode
Running out of programming ideas, CBS will air a new reality show titled, “So You Wanna Be a Reality Show”, in which reality shows will compete to be the next reality show.
Historians: Bush worst US president ever
While 98% of historians considered Bush a ‘failure’, the other 2% are waiting to see if they get their $600 tax rebate before making a judgment.
Old age happiest time, study says
However, this may be because all the unhappy people have already died.
Officials recount ballots in disputed Zimbabwe election
What’s more, the officials vow to continue recounting ballots until the desired outcome is achieved.
Housing credit woes spur calls for more federal regulation
.jpg) msabcmom |
Is there any news anywhere that doesn’t spur calls for more federal regulation?
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